Got up early this morning to say goodbye to Erik before he rocketed north on the 5.  Did some office work, responded to a ton o' emails, napped twice, walked for a mile with Dan, did some ab/core (very gentle) work...talked on the phone with several people.

Today was supposed to be my "crash" day, and I suppose it is.  The steroids have left the building so there's not a lot of extra energy to go around.  But overall, I'm happy with what the day has brought.

I did hear from a friend from our San Diego years, Brian W., who has also been challenged by cancer in the last year.  He was so wonderful, offering the benefit of his longer experience at this battle as well as help and chemo support if needed.  I also learned today that the son of a friend of mine from the Food Pantry days has been fighting Stage IV colon cancer for this past year.  He's 32 years old.

So here's a shout out, Lord, for Derek and Brian.  Healing mercies, tender loved ones, total cure.

Amen.

In one of those strange confluences of life, especially the life of the mind, I promised Erik Kieser yesterday that I would (at long last) finish The Good Book: Reading the Bible with Mind and Heart by Peter J. Gomes.  (Thus enabling Erik to borrow the book.)  The section I'm reading today is "The Bible and Science."

In it, Gomes argues that the two (science and the bible) essentially have nothing to do with each other.  The bible is not written from a scientific viewpoint and in fact doesn't mention science (as a discipline) at all.  Similarly, science does not have much to say about the bible or matters of faith.

Then today, in the LA Times, is a tenderly written piece about Darwin and his wife--she a believer, he a scientist--and how they made their marriage work despite their disagreement on what she termed the "most important subject."

As a woman of faith who is fighting cancer from both a position of science (using chemotherapy and nutrition and many more medications than I thought I'd ever use) and from a position of prayer and faith, I find that I agree with Gomes.  These two disciplines are not in opposition.  While it's true that there is much about diet, spirituality and other complementary ways of dealing with cancer that doesn't even form a blip on our oncological radar these days, there are also some who have no faith at all in science and would urge a strictly faith-based approach.

As usual, I choose the middle path...the third way.  I believe in God.  Who created scientists and doctors.  Who made these chemotherapies and targeted drugs to help people like me, with colon cancer.  And I believe too in the God who works miracles every day.  Even small ones.  Like the company of friends and the ability to enjoy a gorgeous day.

Which is not to say I'm not praying for a big miracle.  I just don't see why there's an either/or to faith and science rather than an enlarging of each by the other.

My niece, Deanna, sent me a bracelet a few weeks back that says (in beautiful calligraphy on silver), "Celebrate Small Victories."

So I thought I'd share some small victories with you from this week's experience as someone gearing up for and through day 2 of chemo.

-I got out and about on Monday rather than staying at home dreading chemo day.

-Despite needing to be poked twice before the needle went into my port properly, Day 1 of Chemo was a breeze.  I was a little more fatigued afterward than I've been in the past, but still...very little nausea and I got in a nice nap.

-I walked for half a mile on day 1 of chemo and a mile today.

-Day 2 nausea is up a notch but I'm staying on top of it by keeping bland food in my tummy and not overdoing.

-Erik and Mom are both here keeping me company and watching me nap...so it's also a victory (of somewhat larger proportion) to have loving family around me.

-I'm wearing a lovely bracelet from my loving niece that reminds me it's okay to take delight in the small things.

The title of this blog, by the way, would be an excellent speech exercise for those who need to learn how to enunciate better...but I digress.

I just finished reading the LA Times article about Obama's directive to the EPA to reconsider California's proposed tailpipe emission standards.  I could not be more happy with his approach for two reasons:

It wasn't unilateral.  He didn't say, "It's clearly the wrong decision not to grant California a waiver so they can regulate their tailpipe emissions.  Thus, I as President wave my hand and make the Bush decision go away."  Instead he directed people in the EPA to revisit the decision.  To analyze it and recommend a course of action.

While it's fairly clear from some of what he said that Obama views reducing our dependence on oil (foreign primarily but also domestic) as a national security issue...thus leading me to believe that the EPA will reverse Bush's block on California's standards--he still didn't go with the "I'm the decider" approach.  I appreciate that.

He gets it.  Obama is quite clear on the evidence about climate change.  He believes we should allow the science to lead us rather than a blind commitment to "free markets" that gives preference to corporate profits over the good of the commonwealth. 

At the same time, he's aware that our auto industry is in crisis (still) and thus did not act in unilateral fashion.  I am becoming more and more convinced that he is a leader who understands complexity, who values honest dissent, who practices pragmatism.

Cool.

Nearly every night as I go to sleep, for nearly as long as I can remember, I silently pray the Lord's Prayer and the "Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep" prayer.  It's a ritual which both comforts and relaxes me.

This morning, I awoke and found myself wanting a similar prayer for morning.  Inspired by my great-nephews, most of them at an age for this sort of prayer, the following came to mind:

Morning Prayer

Hello fingers,
Hello toes.
Hello tummy.
Hello nose.

Lord, I thank you
for my rest.
Help me make
today the best.

Keep me cheerful.
Keep me kind.
Your love ever
on my mind.

 
I don't know why this little ditty makes me so gleeful, but it does.  I think of little ones saying the words, and just smile.  I think it would be a fun children's book.  Now all I need is an illustrator.

Anyone?

I'm reading a great book, Choices in Healing: Integrating the Best of Conventional and Complementary Approaches to Cancer by Michael Lerner. In reading a chapter on spiritual approaches to cancer today, I found this quote:

"Spirituality can be considered closer to the source dimension [behind every religion] than everyday religion that has moved far from the experience of spirit and primarily serves social and moral purposes."

I thought that was one of the best distinctions I've ever heard between spirituality and religion...but thought it begged the Sunday Question.

What do you think is the difference (or is there one) between spirituality and religion?

I ran across a column I wrote for The Signal (Santa Clarita's newspaper) back in January of 2006.  The column was based on a quote by then-Bush Press Secretary Scott McClellan stating: “What the President has made clear is that we abide by our values, we abide by our laws and we abide by our treaty obligations.  He’s made that clear in all that we do.”   

My response was (as you can read in the link above) critical of the ways in which Bush failed to do exactly what McClellan was proclaiming his administration did--abide by our laws and our treaty obligations.

I was particularly struck by the last paragraph of the column.

"At the beginning of this New Year, I find myself asking what will it take to restore America to itself?  The answer is found in Scott McClellan's words.  It will take a President who abides by our values and honors our treaties and is subject to our laws.  If only the answer were also found in Scott McClellan's President."

So here we are, at the beginning of a New Year, 3 years into the future.  And we have, I hope and believe a President who will abide by our values, honor our treaties and consider himself and his administration subject to our laws.

And I find there is more needed to restore America than just that one President (Obama-fan though I may be).  For we are also required to rise in these times of crisis, to abide by our values of caring for the least of these, of honest wages for honest work, our values of equal rights for all God's human beings. 

May we all be equal to the task at hand.

As most of you know, I discovered this past Tuesday that I've developed a blood clot in my right calf.  Since then, I've been on daily, self-administered shots (last one today!) and added Coumadin to my lengthy list of daily medications.

Today was supposed to be a kick back day, consisting of three appointments and plenty of rest/office work time.  I had scheduled a blood draw.  A meeting with a nutritionist.  A visit with Dad and Sally.  However...since I noticed some muscle ache in my thigh yesterday and was a bit...shall we say paranoid...about the clot moving on from its little home in my calf to vulnerable places north, my day got a LOT busier than planned.

Could this be what my therapist was referring to yesterday when she said that illness, in particular cancer, creates chaos?

So my modified schedule became an 8:30 am blood draw where the doc decided to send me over for another STAT sonogram just to check out the clot and make sure things hadn't gotten more complicated. 

I managed, with the help of my friend Renee', to make the meeting with the nutritionist.  A great conversation there and it seems like if I add about 250 calories per day, I should be maintaining this weight.  She was quite knowledgeable about nutrition and specifically about nutrition for folks with cancer (she formerly worked with a cancer program at a major hospital.)  I continue to be impressed by the staff at Mission Hospital, the quality of care we've gotten...and to be grateful to God for putting the right folks directly in my path.

Then it was off for a scan.  No growth in the clot but no shrinkage yet.  No movement or clots up above the knee.  Good news in the sense that there wasn't any cause for concern.  I will continue on my medication and as the Coumadin level gets right, the doc expects my body to take over and get rid of the clot.

Since Renee's been my chauffer for the past few days, I thought a treat was in order...so we went to PF Changs for a yummy lunch.  I made it to our house about 5 minutes after Dad and Sally did...we had a nice visit.  Always so good to see them...and they braved the freeway in the rain just to visit and bring us some lasagne from Filippi's.  Dan's going to be in heaven in about 10 minutes as we consume it.

I did manage about a 45 minute power nap after Dan got home, so I'm at least somewhat energetic this evening.  Glad of many blessings of care: self-care, excellent medical care and the caring of parents who bring gifts along with the blessing of their presence.

I remember, 8 years ago, being dismayed by some of the things Bush did on his first day in office...one of which, if memory serves, restricted aid to foreign NGO's who even whispered the word abortion.  I imagine there are folks on the right who are dismayed by some of Obama's first day actions as I was back then.

I, on the other hand, am particularly heartened by two things he did.

1.  He started the process to shut down Guantanamo.  I haven't read all the articles, but I know there are folks out there concerned that we'll let some terrorists go.  My humble opinion is that Guantanamo (and Abu Ghraib) have been far more effective recruiting tools for new terrorists than the number of prisoners we have incarcerated without representation or due process.

2.  He rolled back Bush's "Executive Privilege" extension whereby the heirs of a President or Vice-President could essentially block release of records forever by citing executive privilege.  Obama took it back to the way it was pre-Bush.  Only the sitting President has that authority.

I could go on...but it's late, I've got to cook myself some dinner and I'm tired after 3 doctor appointments today...(a good day for me too since it included a walk and some great time with a good friend).

Here's an LA Times article about Day 1 in Obama's first term.  You'll get the picture.

One of the beautiful things about this country, imho, is that it is made up of a tapestry of beliefs and individuals who embody those beliefs.  Yesterday's inauguration of President Barack Obama amply demonstrated that diversity as I watched video of the reviewing stands, of former Presidents, of members of Congress, of elderly and young, of every color and religion.

I had anticipated that there would be many moving moments for me in the ceremony.  And while I loved the speech, enjoyed the pomp and circumstance, there were really two moments that got to me the most.

The first was when the former Presidents and First Ladies were making their way to their seats and instead of the orderly progression that had clearly been envisioned by the organizers of the inauguration, we ended up with a gaggle (a pod? a herd?) of ex-Presidents.  They greeted each other (for the most part...Jimmy Carter still being odd man out for some reason), formed a tight little knot of energy and finally, much to the relief of the woman in the red coat, dispersed again to find their seats.

I found it profoundly moving that the men (and women) who had served this country, our country, from vastly differing viewpoints utilizing widely varying policies, could come together cordially and in mutual respect for the cost of leadership.

In terms of Obama's actual address, there was one moment...and one moment only...where I burst into tears.  This is not to say that there weren't other topics, sentences, dreams and hopes that touched me in his speech.  But it is the thing I have longed for the most, written about the most frequently during the Bush era, and hope most fervently proves to be true.

"We reject as false the choice between our safety and our ideals."

In that one sentence, President Obama summarized the hope that I have had, the arguments I've made from my tiny little pulpit in this tiny corner of the world--that we can, as Americans, not be driven to the lowest common denominator by our fears and our vulnerabilities...but that we may rise despite them to the high calling of those who founded our nation, those who fought for and fight for our freedom, and those who have braved so many deprivations and hardships because they believed it was possible to create a "more perfect union."

Amen and Amen.