Had some great conversations with a few friends today who helped me frame my post chemo, low energy days in a new light.  My favorite idea to come from the day is that instead of asking myself HUGE questions every day (what's the meaning of life...in particular, my life; how do I wrassle this monster to the ground knowing so little about it; etc.) is to ask myself the particular question:

What do I want to create today?

For a writer and creative person (as I fancy myself), that's an energizing question.  And it allows for simple answers on low energy days.

So today, I got a few chores done.  I journaled.  Wrote a poem.  I'm blogging now.  I read.  I napped.  I created a nest of interest and care with the help of friends and family.

Not a bad day's work.

Really, given what's going to happen on Tuesday--the Inauguration of our first African American President...how could today's question not be about Inauguration?  (That and having a brilliant husband helped me come up with today's topic.)

So, what's the most meaningful Inaugural moment that you've either seen or studied?

(And as a bonus question, has anyone who reads this blog actually BEEN to a Presidential Inauguration?  Who was it?  How was it?)

 

A milestone of sorts today--Dan and I went to a movie!  It's been a while since we've seen a film outside of the house so I was really looking forward to it.

We picked Last Chance Harvey on the theory that it was a romantic comedy.  It turned out to be more of a slowly developing, midlife transition movie with funny, embarassing, sad and many tender moments.  It had a sort of meditative quality about it that didn't fit with my expectations but is resonating well after the movie.

I noticed when we first got to the theater that there were a lot of elderly folks there, some with walkers who very carefully lined their walkers up alongside the aisle to get into the seating area.  As we were getting up to leave the theater, I said to Dan that maybe we should wait until the rush was over to leave and then we both laughed as we figured out that I could probably keep pace with the crowd at hand.

Now, since I've not napped yet today (!), I'm off for a rest.  Counting my blessings for a normal day, a loving husband and a Creator with a sense of humor.

It's a good thing only one of us around here has "chemo brain" or I'd have been quite discouraged by today!  Up early to get the barium down and have my scan at the hospital and then I quite literally lost power. 

Spent most of the day on the couch in varying positions (including two power naps...I felt quite like a cat except I didn't move to follow the sun and there was no toe-licking involved).

I've been up briefly, answering a select few emails and now am about to go get some yummy chicken soup that Dan's heating up for me.  I did manage to read most of a very insightful (and no doubt very biased) article in Vanity Fair about insider's impressions of the Bush Presidency.  And a scarier still article about private equity firms and their current financial status.

Better to be a cat, some days?

We are also looking forward to our first delivery of Netflix this weekend, courtesy of a friend.  Sounds like it might be just the ticket tomorrow...and a walk, I hope!  Gotta get that vitamin D!

I went for a walk in our local park today (so gorgeous outside).  In between panting up a few small hills, watching a Black Phoebe balance on a bare branch, and admiring the stamina of a 65-ish year old man who was riding his bike in such an unsteady fashion I was sure he was carrying out a New Year's resolution--I pondered the question of what's still Important to me.

In particular, I noted that this blog used to contain a lot more information and discussion of matters political.  I've decided that politics is a lot less important to me now that I'm fighting cancer.  But policy and government a, in some ways, more important.

I care less about gotcha games with clowns like Blogojavich (don't even care enough to make sure I got his name right) and more about broad scope issues.  What is the president-elect going to be able to do about pairing solutions to our economic woes with our environmental crisis?  How can Republicans and Democrats in Sacramento come together to create actual solutions to our budget fiasco?  How can we reverse the trends that create homelessness and hopelessness?  When will we finally be outraged enough by Darfur to do something meaningful about it?

I look back at some of my early columns for The Signal in Santa Clarita, and some of the blogs I've tossed off here about politics...and while they were fun to write, sometimes ridiculously easy when someone pulled a Palin...well, at best they contributed to the conversation rather than to any kind of thoughtful solution.

It reminds me of the speech in American President.  "These are serious times and serious times require serious people..."  True in our country.  True in my body.

I'm not saying there's not room for humor or faith or hopefulness...or criticism.  I just don't feel like I have time for the frivolous or the petty.  None of us do.

So what's important to you?

Dan and I watched a great movie the other night, one familiar from my childhood and one he didn't remember ever having seen.  What was it?

The classic musical Fiddler on the Roof.  If you've never seen it, the show is a deeply touching tale about the conflict between progress and tradition, religion and secularism, set against the background of the Russian pograms against the Jews.

Which leads to the Sunday Question:

What's your favorite musical (film or Broadway) and why?

If anyone is in the market for a camera these days, check out this link.  Olympus Auctions on Ebay is donating 10% of the proceeds of their camera sales to the National Colon Cancer Research Association and to C3, a great source of information for doctors and patients dealing with colon cancer.

It's a good cause.  Get behind it.  <grin>

It's difficult to take good photos of yourself when you've got short arms.  This is about my 10th attempt and I deem it good enough to show off the new (thank you, Blessed God!) short haircut I got today.

It was actually quite the lovely experience.  The hairdresser (Nazzy) normally does Dan's hair and I don't know why I didn't figure out before now that she's great with short women's hair as well.  Her assistant welcomed me, got me a glass of water and then gave me the most marvellous shampoo including a neck rub.

The neck rub made me slightly nervous because she had strong hands and I didn't want her to accidentally dig into my port implant, but she missed it so all was well.

Then Nazzy chatted and snipped, snipped and chatted and I left the salon feeling a LOT more like my usual self.  (Although apparently, upon reviewing this photo, she added some girth to my nose whilst taking off hair...not sure how that happened!)

Prior to the haircut, we had a great visit with our friends, Ken and Lynne Secrest.  We talked about everything under the sun, getting caught up on each other's lives...and it was nice to not be talking cancer, cancer, cancer.  They are dear friends and a joy to be around.

After the haircut?  Dan and I wandered the mall, enjoyed a late lunch at PF Changs, picked up some baskets to house our ever growing collection of DVD's and then came back home.  Where I promptly napped for 45 minutes.  Fortunately, there is enough left over from the dinner I cooked last night to feed us this evening.  So we're in for the night.  As the last whisper of Laguna sunset spills into the evening sky, I'm quite content with a day of life, friends, caresses and beauty.

And a big nose.

It's hard to believe, but one month ago today I was in surgery and the doctor was removing 1/3 of my colon and a pretty nasty tumor.  30 days later, I'm pretty happy with my progress to date.  I get a little more energy each day.  I'm walking about a mile each day, able to eat some more fibrous foods and tolerate them (Yaay for oatmeal!)...and all this with one chemo round under my belt (so to speak).  I thank God for the blessing of a healing body and a huge, loving, wonderful support system.  Oh, and for the blessing of increased amounts of time sleeping on my side each night.  God is good indeed.

That said, there is some personal hygiene that desperately needs taking care of...something that gets neglected between hospital stays, surgery, chemo, holidays, guests and general recuperation.

Yep, it's time to cut the hair.  As the above photo amply demonstrates.  So tomorrow morning I go off to Dan's usual hairdresser, Nazzy, for her tender ministrations.  I want the usual short, kicky cut that I can fluff with my fingers, air dry and not worry about.  This is as opposed to the huge wings that stand out from my head these days.  Honestly, (and I think to quote Phyllis Diller) sometimes I don't have hair, I have feathers!

For those of you wondering why I would get a haircut when I'm having chemo, the docs inform me that the type of chemo I'm getting every 14 days generally does not cause hair loss...at least not to any significant degree.  Again, a blessing.

Dan's home and I'm going to attempt to cook dinner in a little bit, so I'll sign off for now.  I promise an after photo once Nazzy's worked her magic.

Despite my best planning efforts, today turned into kind of a muddle.  I got a lot done early on.  Adhered to my 30/30/30 guideline.  Then got several return phone calls in a row along with a welcome chat with brother-in-law, Kevin...and the next thing I knew it was time to "interview" my 2nd potential therapist.

Now it's 5:30 and I'm wondering where the day went (and what I can scrape together for some semblance of dinner...I bought chicken but suddenly the thought of cooking is a bit overwhelming).  Time to defrost some chicken soup, I think.

I did enjoy my session with this therapist.  She's a narrative therapist, which I would explain more if I grasped it entirely.  In brief (and correct me if I get this wrong and you know I'm wrong), narrative therapy works by the therapist talking about your life and situation, asking questions about positive aspects of what you're experiencing and helping you construct a useful, positive approach to life (aka the narrative).

She brought some useful ideas about my "Martha" persona and suggested that I evaluate the gifts she's brought to my life.  We had a lively discussion of my hopes and fears, the chaos created by chemo and a cancer diagnosis.  Overall, I left the office feeling like the session had been forward thinking and life affirming.

So nice to have two strong contenders to pick from in the "who gets to be Laura's therapist" pool.  Lovely to have choices.