One of the many projects I have up in the air these days is a book/workshop/article on dealing with a diagnosis of advanced cancer in today's medical environment.  As part of the process in prepping the book, I'm doing a lot of reading of non-fiction books these days--books centered around change, hope, specific medical conditions and self-help.

This past week, Erik and I did a bit of browsing at Barnes & Noble and I found a little book called AdaptAbility by M.J. Ryan.  I picked up some good ideas for how I would like to format my book both from what Ms. Ryan did and what she didn't do. 

One of the things I particularly liked about the book was the way she included shaded boxes that set apart more complex ideas, anecdotes or exercises that would otherwise be easily lost in text.  I also liked that she had a final chapter called "Twenty Quick Tips for Surviving Change You Didn't Ask For."  That's certainly a concept I can borrow for my book.

If you're looking for a book on facing change, adapting to unforseen cirucmstances or how to increase your agility in today's business world, Ryan's book would be a good choice to work through over a few week period.  Since I was blazing through the book in a few hours (so I could hand it off to Erik), I found the anecdotes to be a bit thick and some of the lessons to be a bit repetitive.  Managed over a space of weeks instead of hours, I imagine these elements would be reinforcing rather than overkill.

I'm also reading a book called The Patient's Guide to Heart Valve Surgery by Adam Pick, himself a double heart valve surgery patient.  I started reading the book at the recommendation of a close friend whose husband is facing heart valve surgery soon.

I'm not as far along in this book (ie, not done with it) but have also picked up some tips from his format.  He's very clear about the purpose of his book and he delineates at the beginning of each chapter (in simple bullet points) what the reader will know at the end of the chapter.  Brilliant strategy for helping readers/patients quickly parse what's worth their time and what they'll save for later.

On the topic of adaptability, I should note that I read Ryan's book the old fashioned way (book, paper, notebook) and I'm readying Pick's book on my Kindle.  Both seem to work equally well and one saves trees.  Hmmm.

On the personal front, this has turned out to be a relatively easy chemo week for me.  We dropped the Oxylaplatin from the regimen to give my nerve endings a break and also dropped the "bolus" (quick infusion of 5FU) this chemo.  I think both have made a huge difference.  My blood counts were nearly normal two days after the first infusion and my vle days have been transmogrified into sle (slightly low energy) days.  Thank God for vacations of every sort.

I've been out of the hospital for just under a week and am feeling up to doing some reading and research about my health situation.  I've started with two books:  Recalled by Life by Anthony J. Sattilaro, MD and Choices in Healing by Michael Lerner. 

I read through Sattilaro's book in two sittings.  It's a fascinating account of his diagnosis with Stage IV (D) metastatic prostate cancer back in the 1970's.  The cancer had gone from his prostate to the bones of his back, head, ribs and collarbone.  He was given less than 3 years to live according to doctors. 

Coming home from his father's funeral (his father died from a different type of cancer soon after Sattilaro's diagnosis), he picked up two hitchhikers.  One of them immediately fell asleep, but the other talked to Sattilaro about his cancer, about how it could be cured by "eating right," and then went on to insist they stop by a health food store before he dropped them off.

A few weeks later, a package outlining the miracles of a macrobiotic diet, including healing claims for several people, arrived at Sattilaro's door.  Willing to try anything to prolong his life, he made a few inquiries and immediately switched to a macrobiotic diet.

Macrobiotic diets consist mainly of whole grains (50%), vegetables (25 - 30%) and beans/sea vegetables (15%) along with condiments and soups.  It's a radically different diet than most Americans, even most health conscious Americans, eat.

In the years since the 70's, we've come to see that our diets (rich in animal fats, high in salt, low in fiber) are not good for us.  True to form, instead of shifting to a more basic diet, we've tried to produce our way out of "bad foods" by creating "low-fat, low-salt, low-calorie" foods...many of which just make the problem worse by creating chemically laden foods that are significantly short in nutritional value.

What's interesting to me after reading this book is that I am not inclined to immediately start a macrobiotic diet.  Which is not at all to say I don't want to live enough to alter my diet.

I'm just not convinced that the reason for my getting cancer is poor diet and nutrition.  True, I was about 35 pounds overweight and I like desserts and wine.  However, I also exercised regularly; ate whole grains and nuts rather than chips and pasta; gobbled down veggies; made healthy, home cooked meals that left out animal fats, excess salt and red meat.

And yet, I have a Stage IV cancer despite my healthier than not eating habits and exercise habits.  It's perplexing...and it makes me a bit hesitant to jump onto a macrobiotic wagon at this point.

Still doing my research, and I might meet with someone who's an expert in such a diet...but at this point...it's a no go.

The other book, Choices in Healing is written from the standpoint of understanding the difference between traditional (Western) medicine and complementary approaches to cancer (like diet, meditation, etc).  This is a lot slower going but may prove to be more useful in the long run.

Still, I recommend Recalled by Life to anyone interested in the topic of cancer and diet.  It's well-written, compelling and a quick read.

I suppose the last thing that I take issue with in Sattilaro's book comes in the last couple pages (and it's a topic for a whole 'nother blog).  Sattilaro says, "My cancer was the result of my taking and taking until I had to ask for my very life.  Selfishness is its own terminal illness."

While I respect the spiritual journey that this man (who went on to live for years past his prognosis before eventually dying from cancer after going off the macrobiotic diet) took, I cannot share his conviction about what leads to cancer.  It may be true that, in his case, the causes were both spiritual and dietary...a sort of selfishness and isolation that took him through excess to illness.

In my case, I simply don't know why I'm fighting the monster.  I just know I am. 

It's a good thing that today was a holiday...I took full advantage by finishing a great book, The Monsters of Templeton by Lauren Groff.  The book has a lot of charm, is filled with interesting characters, multiple narrators and an intriguing mystery.  Groff, who was raised in Cooperstown, paints an intimate portrait of her hometown (thinly veiled as Templeton), handling prose like a pro, despite this being her first novel.  Highly recommended by yours truly.

Since today was Labor Day, I decided not to delve into the muddy political waters regarding Sarah Palin, McCain's pick for V.P.  I continue to be in a mild state of shock at his decision and am trying to figure out just what he was thinking.

So far the short answer seems to be pandering to the religious right...but will religious conservatives, those who can't abide a woman in positions of religious authority, really support a woman as back up to the oldest potential president in history?  I dunno.  Still scratching my head over this one.

Tomorrow, I'll do a bit of digging and get back to y'all.  And it's also time for me to begin my analysis of the ballot propositions now that the Secretary of State FINALLY has a Voter Information Guide out.

Watch for my analysis in a new page to be named later, beginning later this week.  Now to the couch where I will crack McCain's first (ghost-written) book.  Happy Labor Day, one and all.

I read not one, but two, books this weekend.  (Ah, pajama days!  Speaking of which, apparently there's an official pajama day in February.  Who knew?)

First up: Obedience, the debut novel by literature professor Will Lavender.  Meager characterization driven by convoluted plot yielding a B- beach read.  Would have worked better as a movie.  Lavender's biggest struggle seems to be in characterization.  His biggest strength? Coming up with a macguffin.  If you've got to read it, check it out from the library.

The second book, also a debut, is The Killer's Wife by Bill Floyd.  Perhaps because Floyd isn't trying so hard to be mysterious and literary, his debut is stronger than Lavender's.  The protagonist is the (ex) wife of a serial killer and Floyd provides her with an in-depth character and genuine emotions.  The plot runs a bit runny toward the end, nothing unpredictable or new...but it works because you care about the character.  Still a beach read, but an A-.  Maybe wait for it to come out in paperback.

On a side note, I think I'm about at the end of my crime reading rope.  Nothing really compelling out there these days and I find there are fewer characters about which the author's care to make me care.  Perhaps it's time for a little non-fiction?

Not sure why my blog has been fading in and out of being lately, but I'll check with the good folks at Weebly.  Maybe it's just imitating me, as I flicker in and out of life with this bothersome sinus infection.

I was counting on today being the day that I was back in the world of the living but it looks like it might be tomorrow.  I was so ansty yesterday I shudder to think about today!  I may send Dan to buy me a movie while he's out.

I did finish Confessor yesterday.  *Spoiler Alert*

I was more pleased with this final novel in the series than I've been with the last three or four.  The issue I've taken with the past four novels is that the author, Terry Goodkind, pretty much gave up all pretense of illustrating his philosophy through his characters.  Instead, he gave them long speeches in which we were treated to Goodkind's convictions on the nature of life and religion without the messy trappings of plot or character.

This novel was still quite preachy but I was prepared for that.  He wrapped up all of the series' plot lines in a reasonable, workman-like fashion.  Nothing startling.  Not even J.K. Rowlings-level startling.  The good guys win.  The guy gets the girl.  Various cute semi-dangerous animals are heard from and go off to live their magical lives.

I was struck by two things in the novel that made the sort of predictable wrap-up worth reading the 603 pages worthwhile, if only for ruminative value.

The first comes from the heroine of the series, Kahlan.  A man who has attempted to have his way with her (among other bad deeds in other novels) asks her for mercy.  She denies him mercy and says, "Mercy is a contingency plan devised by the guilty in the eventuality that they are caught.  Justice is the domain of the just.  This is about justice."

Words like that could only ever be spoken by a person who has lived a perfect life.  I came to a different conclusion than Kahlan's years ago when wishing for justice to come to someone else.  The words of the Lord's prayer flashed in my mind--"Forgive us our sins as we forgive those who have sinned against us."  And it occured to me that we all want justice for the other guy.  For ourselves?  We prefer mercy.

The second tidbit of the novel that got me thinking was the way the hero of the novel dispatches the bad guys in the end.  He sends them off to a world of their own where they will live without magic and in a corrupt system without access to their prior world.  He seals up his own world as well, retaining magic and proclaiming free will to be the highest good.

(It's ironic that by giving the bad guys their own world, Richard showed mercy, eh?)

Goodkind holds that free will and faith are opposites.  On the "good" side of free will we have action, self-determination, responsibility and reason.  On the "bad" side of faith we have unreasoning belief, self-sacrifice and futile hope for an afterlife and mercy.

I've thought that what Goodkind never sold me on was the idea that free will is the ultimate good.  But I realized in writing this that what doesn't hold is his assumption about oppositional truths.

I know people who value reason and still have deep faith.  I know others who value reason and free will, yet use them both as a bludgeon for self-interest.  As I have come to see time and time again, the Truth is not an "either/or" proposition but a paradox.

Free will.  Faith.  Sacrifice.  Reason.  Responsibility.  Hope.  We need all of these qualities.  Even, and perhaps especially, Mercy.

Spent the morning at the doctor yesterday, thinking I had strep throat but he said, "I'm not worried about your throat but you do have a sinus infection."  I told him I'd been fighting one off for a few weeks and he thought that was pretty amusing.  Apparently, I've just flat had a low-grade sinus infection for a few weeks.  Silly me.

At any rate, count on a few down days of intermittent blogging as I try to kick this in the patootie.  At least it's a low grade infection.  I'm not changing or cancelling big plans (visits with friends or a golf game tomorrow) but I am taking two weeks of anti-biotics and trying to get lots of rest and fluids.

The good news is my down time yesterday allowed me to plow through most of the latest Goodkind novel, Confessor.  It's better than the last two or three have been.  Less preachy.  More action.  And I am looking forward to how he ties up all the loose ends.

What are you reading these days?

Happy Christmas Eve!  The last two days have been a bit of a whirlwind so I haven't written a lick on the novel.  We went to Kevin and Steve's house night before last where we enjoyed a yummy, satisfying spaghetti dinner in their newly remodelled home.  Their elderly cat, Dusty, was a key participant in the evening with lovely poses before the fire, refined begging at dinner time and sufferance of our obeisance in the form of petting.

After dinner, we watched one of Dan's and my all-time favorite Christmas movies, Love Actually.  Then we were tucked into their extremely comfortable guest quarters on the third floor where we had a great night's sleep.

After a "lie-in" in the morning, we had a breakfast of Kevin's special cheesy eggs and then hit the road for Fuquay-Varina--home of Dan's brother, Ken and Ken's wife (my good friend) Cindy.  There we offered more adoration to cat-beings Max and the ever-elusive Fanny.  We took a tour of Ken's office and campus at Campbell University (in the rain--badly needed here in drought-bound North Carolina) and continued on to Coats, where Cindy has her studio.  We got to see a few pieces in progress and were very impressed with the work space she's created for herself.

Then we went back home for unwrapping of presents, extensive conversation regarding movies, books (The Ender and Shadow series by my former professor, Orson Scott Card), and playing Spades.  Cindy and I were roundly trounced by Ken and Dan the first game.  After a break for dinner, we took them on again and, although it wasn't quite as ugly, it was a beating of sorts.  It's tough realizing that you're the worst card-player in a particular group (although I do take some comfort in the fact that Ken is simply the best card player I know, Cindy's married to him and Dan grew up with him).  So I've been doing a bit of ego nursing and am glad to have a husband who tolerates a grumpy wife.

Earlier in the trip he proclaimed that he is "Happy" and I am "Grumpy."  I never suspected he might actually be right!

As to the International Heifer, one of my fine friends has given me a wonderful gift this year--the purchase of

2 colonies of bees

3 clutches of chicks

Trees (quantity unknown!)

1 Flock of Hope (chicks, geese, ducks)  

via Heifer International.  I've always wanted to give one of their gifts and Erik's gone and beaten me to the punch.  It makes me feel good to know that these gifts will be enriching lives and the earth this coming year.   I hope this blog finds everyone enjoying a cozy, refershing and love-filled Christmas eve with family.  We'll be enjoying ham and trimmings along with board games, holiday songs and (I am sure) lots of laughter.  I'm not sure about cards.

So much for having it all figured out when it comes to visiting clothes.  On Saturday, I wore my black shorts and a Minnie Mouse top...and almost got sent back because the shorts were "too short."  Now, I'm a fairly conservative dresser.  So short shorts on me consist of shorts that are about 3 inches above the knee.  These shorts were well within the 2-inch above the knee measurement that is required for visitors.

However, the guards interpret the rule to be that the shorts have to be 2 inches above the knee when you sit down.  Fortunately, I know this guard pretty well...so I pulled my shorts down low on my hips, promised to wear them there my whole visit, and sat with my jacket covering my scandalously exposed legs for our 5 1/2 hour visit.

Sheesh!  Note to self: cropped pants are as short as we go.

We did have a funny thing happen as we drove up to get our passes.  We were driving Dan's car and the first guard we passed said, "I like your car."  The second guard, who was giving out passes said, "I want your car."

Before I could stop myself, I said, "We can make a deal."  I would have handed over the keys to the car in exchange for our friend, no questions asked.  Possibly trying to pre-empt me from an offer of a bribe, the guard said, "I'm going to have to confiscate it."  Someday this mouth of mine is going to get me in real trouble.

At any rate, we passed a nice visit with Dan getting up to get us snacks since I was stuck with my jacket over my legs.  The weather was breezy and sunny and the hours passed too quickly.  As usual, my heart broke as we walked out of the visiting area, leaving our friend behind.

We asked about the reinstatement of Friday visiting and were told that there was a "dispute" between the union and management...that it was dependent on the resolution of the dispute.  So we won't be doing Friday visits for a while, I'm afraid.

After we got home, we had our usual recuperative weekend where we don't do a whole lot (although Dan did some work and was generally more energetic than I).  I did manage to finish a book I've been reading, The Tenderness of Wolves. 

Winner of the 2006 "Costa Book of the Year", the novel is being marketed as "literature," and as a result, I bet it's thrown a lot of people off.  It is a well-written story, rich in character, story and setting.  The story is set in 1867 in Canada among characters who deal with the fur trading industry, others who live a more "civilized" life in town, and native "voyageurs" (aka Indians).  Essentially writing a mystery, the author (first time novelist Stef Penney) does not attempt to keep us in suspense the entire time about who "done it," but does manage to keep us in suspense about the motivations of each character's heart. 

Quite a satisfying read touching on sexuality, racial tension, relationships both familial and societal.  I recommend it heartily and it's going on Dan's reading stack.

So today, it's back to work.  There is laundry to be done, projects are awaiting completion and my stack of office work is teetering ominously.  That and I have to buy a wild shirt and some cropped pants so next time we visit our friend I can move about without fear of being tossed out on my ear.

Happy Monday, everyone.

It's been quite a week for me in ramping up on the world-wide web.  I got my first comment from a genuine "stranger" after linking to Annie Frisbie's article on Donnie Darko.  Annie kindly linked back to me from her blog and I'm interested to read more of her book reviews.  I've already bought one book based on her recommendation.  We'll see if we agree.

I spent last night researching various topics and websites.  I learned about rss feeds and how they help people follow blogs.  I joined Linked In (see button, below right).  I may actually be inching up on the 21st Century!  (Slow and steady is the pace.)

And yes, I'm married to Mr. Technology, so it is shocking that I'm not more up on these things.  But it's classic right brain...I only get interested in widgets when I see how they can lead to far off places.  Then I get juiced enough to stay up all night figuring out why my Linked In button sends everyone to Weebly's Dan Veltri.  (Got a nice note back from Dan telling me how to fix that!  Veltri, not Morefield.)

Speaking of wild, wild...two political items that I am unable to resist addressing.

1.  The shoe-tapping Senator.  Who knew (well, lots of folks I guess, but not me) that tapping your shoe in a men's room is an invitation to casual sex?  Not only that, but it's (apparently) illegal. 

I'm still not sure why it's illegal.  The closest anyone's come to explaining it to me is that it's illegal because it's solicitation for sex.  Okay, sez I, but doesn't that happen in bars all over America (gay and straight) every night?  Maybe the illegality is that it's solicitation for sex right here, right now.  But I'm fairly sure that's not all that uncommon either.  Be that as it may, I agree with my Mom that the real issue is more in Senator Craig's attempted cover-up and denials than the misdemeanor itself.

As to his repeated denials about being gay, who knows?  Who cares?  Seriously, these days, why can't there be gay Senators on both sides of the aisle?  For an amusing take on this question, watch the video below.  The funniest part of the video is how it highlights Craig's opening comment..."Thank you all for coming out today."  Sheesh, the irony.

2.  Almost as ironic as Bush's comments over the departure of AG Gonzales.   "It is sad that we live in a time when a talented and honorable person like Alberto Gonzales is impeded from doing important work because his good name was dragged through the mud for political reasons."

Um, excuse me.  But isn't the reason Gonzales's name was "dragged through the mud" because he impeded others from doing important work by firing them "for political reasons?"  I don't know whether to laugh or cry over the idea that no one in the Bush administration saw the irony of his statement.  Was it that they didn't vet it...or that they didn't get it? 

I'm excited about another upcoming opportunity to entertain at Chez Morefield. On September 8th, from 1:00 to 4:00 pm, I will be hosting a salon to introduce my sister-in-law, Cindy, and her artwork to folks in Southern California.  We'll have her art on the walls, nibblies and wine to refresh folks, and Cindy will be available to discuss her art and process with attendees.

I think this will be loads of fun, plus she gets to visit us here, which is nice.  If anyone's interested in attending, let me know!  You can get to Cindy's website to preview her latest art by clicking over the links on my home page.

I am hoping that the Great Landscape Project of 2007 will be complete by that time.  Here's what we have left: Patio cover design, Patio cover manufacture, Patio cover installation, Gate installation, Spa plaster and pebble coat, Putting green design and installation, Barbeque installation, Fire pit installation, Soil prep and planting of new soft-scape, installlation of low-voltage lighting.  And voila!  We'll be done.  (I can't wait!)

Other than that, the only news of import is that I have finished Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.  Quite a good read, imho.  I think Rowlings did a wonderful job of tying it all together, resolving mysteries that had lingered through many of the novels, and making a relevant point about what's important in life without hitting us over the head with it.  I laughed.  I cried.  I am sad not to be "reading" it any longer...and I suspect I will buy the set to actually read them next time.  (I've listened to all of the books on unabridged audio because the narrator is so spectacularly talented.)

Dan's in the middle of the book right now, so no spoilers or discussion of plot.  I will say that one of the difficulties with writing serial novels in which one is introducing new "magical" elements from time to time is that there are a few holes in terms of earlier plots.  Why didn't we see Patroni (Patronises?) earlier when powerful wizards need to communicate.  But that's quibbling level stuff.  Plot, character, comedy and drama are all capably handled by Rowling.  Well-done, indeed.