Many apologies dear readers for not updating the blog this week...but I've been on Mr. Toad's Wild Ride with various medical opinions.  So I've been busily assimilating those (quite encouraging) opinions into a new framework.

This did not allow, with chemo in the background, much time for musings of any type.  It did allow for some walk/talk time with Erik at Laguna Beach and I've uploaded a few photos of that Wednesday excursion for your viewing pleasure.

The main news on the colon cancer front (I'll provide gory details on the email update list) is that it appears I am, after all, a candidate for liver resection surgery combined with radiofrequency ablation.  This is exciting news as there is potential for curative results rather than just "life extension" results. 

There's a lot more that we need to know between now and when the surgeon thinks the window for surgery will be (late July), so I imagine more assimilation (Resistance is futile tumors!) will be going on during the coming weeks.

So, to regroup, Erik and I are heading out to see Terminator.  That should get me out of warp speed and into time travel.  More cogent thoughts hopefully to follow over the weekend.

TTFN.

Erik

Laura

Hello Peeps!

As the topper to my whirlwind non-chemo week, Dan and I played golf with Renee' and Tom today.  It was not my most stellar round...and I got a LOT peeved for about 2 1/2 holes...but managed to pull up before a full-fledged blow out.

And even with the anger management issue, it was an enjoyable morning.  (I'm allowed to get mad these days.  Such a nice change of pace and bit of grace to give myself.)

  The weather was cloudy and cool until the last two holes.  We ate a great lunch at the club, parted ways and then Dan and I came home to find Bob here.  We chatted till Erik got back and pretty much chatting sums up the rest of the afternoon.

We're going to build a meal communally in a few moments (pasta with pesto chicken for me and marinara chicken for the rest) along with sweet potatoes, broccoli and whatever other veggies we can scrounge up. 

Tomorrow, Chemo on Tuesday.  Which will have joys of its own...seriously.  I'll get to see the folks at the office (they're amazing, cheerful, funny folk) and I'll get some reading and maybe even a snooze in.

And I'll remember this past week's awesome memories.  Too cool.  Hope all of you are having an equally stellar day.

I had a great four mile or so walk with Hal and Charlie at Newport's Back Bay hiking/biking/kayaking area.  We took about and hour and a half to meander, photograph and chat.  Next time, we will add a bit of jogging to our exercise/bird watching (which I am quite looking forward to.)

The photo above is of Hal and Charlie.  Charlie saw something in the underbrush...can you spot it?

I also got some great photos of a snowy white egret, just missing him as he had a fish in his mouth and swallowed it down.  We could actually see the fish wiggling on its way down the bird's gullet.

If you have never been to Newport Back Bay, I'd highly recommend it.  And Hal said it wasn't even a good birding day.  But we saw Great White Herons, some sorts of Godwits or similar shorebirds, mallards (including two gorgeous ones that flew right at us) and several hummingbirds.  A real treat to which I intend to return.

That was pretty much it for my day...did some reading and journaling today.  Wrote the beginning of a poem based on Psalm 139's quote, "How precious are your thoughts, O God...if I were to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand."

Seeing the beauty today of even a "blah" day at the bird preserve, I have to agree with the psalmist.  Each bird, each moment, each breath, each individual...a thought of God's.  How precious indeed.

For those interested, a few more photos below.  One of what Hal and Charlie were scoping out.  The other, a snowy egret.  The last, progress of my burn.  Looks kind of like a rorschach test, eh?

Tomorrow I'm going to start research on the Propositions coming up in California's May election...(I think it's May).  So maybe some politics over the weekend but it was awful nice to have a day just to be.

Had quite a day today, including 9 holes of golf with my friend, Renee'.  I shot a 49 and was quite pleased overall.  Again, the course was nearly deserted and so we played without any pressure at all.  It was a chilly day but not too chilly to play!

I also did a bunch o' chores getting ready for chemo week and chatted with my sister-in-law, Cindy.  One of the topics we covered is what my therapist, Anne, calls "gems in the mine," after a metaphor I was using about dark days feeling like I was down in a mine.

Cancer has, believe it or not, been a source of blessing in my life.  I've slowed down, experienced more joy in the moment, found out that I have an amazing cadre of family and friends who love me more than I'd imagined possible for this ol' gal, grown even closer to the man of my dreams and my best friend...really, the list could go on.

Not that I'd recommend this path to anyone...and I'm eager for the day I'm off this path and recovered from cancer.  And even so...

So as I toddle off to fold laundry and watch DVR'd shows, I will just share with you that one of my friends wished me a "Happy Chemo Week" this week.  And he was right on.  It's going to be a Happy Chemo Week indeed.  I have my high school buddy, Jean Marie, coming up tomorrow to take me to the office and sit with me tomorrow afternoon.  I will see Erik again on Wednesday evening and through Friday.  Renee' will check in with me on Tuesday to bring me lunch.

I'll be as active as possible and concentrating on kicking the bejeebers out of Ed, Fred, Earl and their cohorts.  Surrounded by friends and covered in prayers and good wishes.  Sounds like a Happy Chemo Week to me.

Golf:  I'll start with a great big THANK YOU to everyone who blew in a northerly direction (and to the Creator who listened), because Renee' and I were able to play golf with hardly any rain at all.  We just got a sprinkle on the 4th hole to remind us to be grateful for the sun.

I shot a 52 (17 over par)...which is just under double bogey golf.  A bit more than when I left off a few months back.  However, there's nothing like a dread disease to put perspective in your golf game.  I had some great shots (Renee' had some AWESOME shots)...and some trouble with sand shots.  And an absolutely enjoyable, relaxing experience with a dear friend.

We even had some iced tea afterwards, hanging in the clubhouse.  I listened to my body and called it a day at 9 holes...but I think I'm only a month or so away from 18 holes.

Academy Awards:  Was it just me, or were the Academy Awards particularly good last night?  I guess I'll have to see Slumdog Millionaire and Milk...and I'd also like to see The Reader (as, apparently, would Hugh Jackman).  This year I've been a bit behind in my movie going.  First year in a long time that I hadn't seen 80% of the nominations.  So I think it's even more remarkable that the awards were so enjoyable.

I liked the new format of having past awardees praise the current nominees.  I thought the dance numbers were entertaining.  The "The Musical is Back" seemed to be a non-sequiter, but I still liked it.  And I loved the young screenwriter for Milk.  What a great speech and he seemed very moved by the whole experience.  Can't wait to see what he does next.

Memes:  What's a Meme you ask?  On Facebook, it's a sort of creative exercise where folks ask you questions, or give you tasks.  Today's meme from Todd Truffin turned out to be a bit more complicated than I thought. 

Here are the instructions:
Here are the rules for the album meme:

1. Go to Wikipedia. Hit "random" or click http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:Random
The first random Wikipedia article that comes up is the name of your band.

2. Go to Quotations Page and select "random quotations" or click http://www.quotationspage.com/random.php3
The last four or five words of the very LAST quote on the page make up the title of your first album.

3. Go to Flickr and click "explore the last seven days" or click http://www.flickr.com/explore/interesting/7days
The third picture in the top row, no matter what it is, will be your album cover.

4. Use Photoshop or whatever to put it all together.

5. Post it to Facebook with this text in the "caption" or "comment" and TAG the friends you want to join in.

I got it all done except for #5.  For whatever reason, Facebook would not accept my Powerpoint jpeg file.  So I'm going to post it here.

There it is...my fantasy album.  I quite like it!

It's difficult to take good photos of yourself when you've got short arms.  This is about my 10th attempt and I deem it good enough to show off the new (thank you, Blessed God!) short haircut I got today.

It was actually quite the lovely experience.  The hairdresser (Nazzy) normally does Dan's hair and I don't know why I didn't figure out before now that she's great with short women's hair as well.  Her assistant welcomed me, got me a glass of water and then gave me the most marvellous shampoo including a neck rub.

The neck rub made me slightly nervous because she had strong hands and I didn't want her to accidentally dig into my port implant, but she missed it so all was well.

Then Nazzy chatted and snipped, snipped and chatted and I left the salon feeling a LOT more like my usual self.  (Although apparently, upon reviewing this photo, she added some girth to my nose whilst taking off hair...not sure how that happened!)

Prior to the haircut, we had a great visit with our friends, Ken and Lynne Secrest.  We talked about everything under the sun, getting caught up on each other's lives...and it was nice to not be talking cancer, cancer, cancer.  They are dear friends and a joy to be around.

After the haircut?  Dan and I wandered the mall, enjoyed a late lunch at PF Changs, picked up some baskets to house our ever growing collection of DVD's and then came back home.  Where I promptly napped for 45 minutes.  Fortunately, there is enough left over from the dinner I cooked last night to feed us this evening.  So we're in for the night.  As the last whisper of Laguna sunset spills into the evening sky, I'm quite content with a day of life, friends, caresses and beauty.

And a big nose.

To be perfectly honest, it was really walks and A restaurant, but I did feel well enough to go on some excursions today.  That's a definite blessing and a win (thanks, God!).  I started the day being somewhat "slantsy" as Ken coined the term--a combination of sleepy and ansty brought on by the lack of sleep the last few days and by the compazine, I believe, which has been so effective at managing the nausea but also has a jumpiness side effect.  Hence...slantsy.

After the compazine wore away, with no ill effects literally, we braved an outing to our favorite local Mexican restaurant (Avila's Restaurant on La Paz) where I had chicken soup.  Somewhat typically, I saved half of the soup for dinner and then forgot it on the table.  <sigh>

The rest of the day has been passed in the pleasant pursuits of phone conversations with friends and family, of hanging out with Cindy, with Ken and Dan, in watching a documentary (more on that later) and in talking an afternoon constitutional.  The weather is exceptional outside...a nice change from the frigid temperatures we've been having.  I didn't walk as far as I have walked but I walked farther than yesterday.  As Cindy Siler said in her post the other day..."Welcome to the roller coaster ride called 'fighting cancer.' "  I must say, I prefer these upward days.

The documentary we watched was called Jesus Camp.  The film follows a youth pastor (Becky Fischer) as she seeks to influence young kids for Christ.  Her perspective is staunchly conservative, evangelical and charismatic.  It was fascinating to watch, no matter which side of the political or religious spectrum from which you hie, the influence of group dynamics on these kids.

I found the kids' sincerity to be uplifiting and ultimately hopeful.  I found the conflation of religion and politics to be disturbing.  I found Miss Fischer to be a compelling and sympathetic person whose absolute conviction of the truth of her brand of Christianity to be entirely in sync with her efforts.

Overall, I thought the movie came from a left bias.  Cindy and I were not sure if producers were aware of the ironies provided by the left(ish) broadcaster who appeared in parts of the film with his own brand of "true religion."

The film sparked a wonderful conversation among Ken, Cindy and me as we discussed various aspects of our faith, and shared some quotes, prayers and verses that have been meaningful to us on our spiritual journies. 

I find the topic of interest because, as I've indicated before on this blog, I started my Christian life at a fairly young age, progressed from Methodist to Conservative Baptist, to Presbyterian and back to Baptist--all the while coming to terms with "articles of faith" that I did not find illustrated in the Bible or in the lives of Christians who clearly loved and followed God.  (Sometimes despite what they said.)  I've come to believe in a Creator of infinite compassion.  I believe in that Creator within the framework of Christianity because that it is the religion that speaks to my heart of a central truth...a God who loves the world so much that he gives his only begotten son so that no one would perish.  I don't know the mysteries or intricacies of how that works.

And that statement alone is probably what led to my break with the conservative church.  It has long been my prayer that if I err, I hope it is on the side of compassion.

At any rate, with regard to the film, I'd say if you have an interest in Christianity and Politics...and the crossroads at which they meet in our nation, this film is worth your time.

Rent it.  Watch it with someone who will be willing to discuss it. 

It's just the two of us home today and we're having a great time being lazy.  So far we've watched two movies from the 90's (The Fugitive and Die Hard II) and we're gearing up for The Road Warrior next.

We haven't been completely antisocial today.  Our friends, Bill and Donna Davis (missionaries in the Philippines) stopped by on their way north this morning.  And we enjoyed a heavenly breakfast of Wolfermann's muffins with Erik before he left go back home. 

Erik was a godsend this week.  Bill and Donna, in their own way, were the same as they asked questions about the diagnosis, shared their hope and faith with us and prayed with us for healing both from my surgery and from the cancer.

So...no big treatise on any topic today.  Just a tip of the hat to the comforts of friendship and a long marriage...gratitude for the day we get to share, today.

Now if only I could eat popcorn!

Take two.  I wrote this entire blog and then dumped it because I forgot about one of Weebly's little quirks.  <sigh>  Ah well.

At any rate, I'm back!  I got home from the hospital on Tuesday (at least two weeks and three physical iterations ago) and have been busily recuperating ever since.  Recuperating in my case means that I have been doing a lot of reading (for pleasure), napping (as determined by the percocet and my general body's needs), yakking and hanging with my friend, Erik Kieser, and eating whatever I want that is also soft and not spicy.

God bless, Erik.  Who would have known that day, almost 30 years ago, when we fell in (platonic) love over discussions of green blood, the nature of God, the passionate beliefs of our young faiths--that he would end up being my care-taker in our middle years?

Well, God knew.  But who else?

At any rate, those coversations have been part of the very fabric of my soul lo these many years.  I'm so grateful for Erik in so many ways, not the least of which is the way he pulled my feet into bed when I honked up the whole "getting into bed after surgery" equation on my second day home.  It's excellent having Erik here to help me noodle through things as I continue to gear up for the fight of my life.

Erik is here also so that Dan could go back to work while I was in this more delicate phase of my recuperation.  I think it's been good for Dan to be back in the work saddle, but that's just my observation.  It's good for things to be as normal as possible.

That's part of my mantra these days.  "Be Normal."  I got it as a piece of advice from my sister-in-law, Candy (a cancer survivor) and it feels right in my bones, in the conviction of my heart, in my liver (where the tumors lurk even now).  It may seem counter-intuitive to be in the aforementioned "fight of my life' and to have one of my chief weapons be normalcy.

At least part of my reasoning is that as "Cancer Girl," there are a limited number of things to live for--defeating cancer, researching my disease, marshalling my resources.  While as Laura (see About Laura to the right), I have all of Cancer Girl's motivations and weapons PLUS an amazing life to enjoy here and now.

So, I'm back to it.  Blogging, writing, working on various projects and...in a few weeks...golf.  The blog will concern my fight against cancer when it makes sense.  I imagine I'll be touching on political topics occasionally.  I know I'll be writing about the curious crossroads of my faith as a recovering fundamentalist facing this part of my journey with prayer and a non-traditional understanding of what it means to be a believer, to be a Christian.  And I suspect I will be working up a manifesto of sorts, like the one I had about qualities I was looking for in a President, about what life looks like from this side of a cancer diagnosis.

And I'll probably still gloat when I manage to beat someone at golf or cards.  I might rant when a politician or celebrity does something particularly boneheaded.  And the Sunday Question will be back this coming weekend.

Welcome back everyone.  Thanks for the prayers, the flowers, cards, emails, gifts and most of all, for giving me a life so rich, I can't help but want to live it and live it and live it.

About 12 years ago, I was walking in Old Town Pasadena with Dan.  He turned a corner or poked his head into a shop and so I was alone for a few moments.  A woman with a baby stroller (and an adorable toddler in the stroller) walked up to me with a bemused expression on her face.

"I'm sorry to bother you," she said.  I think she took my arm and went on to say, "You have the most amazing aura surrounding you.  I would love to do a reading for you."

I thanked her but told her I'm not really big into "that sort of thing."

She looked a bit surprised (I guess people with amazing auras should be open to aura readings), and quickly assured me that she didn't want to charge me...she just wanted to do the reading.  She also said something that's a bit fuzzy in my memory, but it had to do with "good news."

I shook my head and said no thanks, going on my way as Dan joined up with me.  I don't think the woman was happy with my decision but I've often wondered what it is she saw and what it is she would have "read" from the spiritual emanation she perceived.  I remain fairly skeptical about such things although I'm less dogmatic about my religious beliefs than I was back then.

For some reason, that memory has come back to me since the diagnosis.  I suppose it could be grasping at straws, but it feels more like an affirmation of the peace I've been occasionally suffused with as we (Dan and I) wander this ill-marked path into the unknown.

Difficulties will abound, I am sure.  Frustrations, moments of hopelessness and tears aplenty.  But I am also sure that good things are coming in at least equal measure. 

It occurs to me that what the woman saw had very little to do with me and very much to do with the love and support, the humor and deep, abiding affection I enjoy from my friends and my family.  Surrounding me.  Infusing me with strength for the journey.

I don't need a reading to tell me about that.  It's here, right now.

Thank you.