The alternate title for this blog is "I better write this while I can!"  I'm taking the lovely and delicious concoction known as Movi Prep to clean out my insides so that I can have a colonoscopy tomorrow.  Normally, I wouldn't share that, but since it's to discover whether or not colon cancer is the source of my tumors, it's become blog worthy in the current context.

I've already had two friends vow to have their colonoscopies done due to my situation, so that makes me quite happy.  And a daughter's friend has promised to quit smoking.  Score another point for the good guys.

I continue to have some emotional ups and downs, as one would expect of anyone in this situation.  Today has been filled with some wonderful, peaceful moments as well.  Prayer with Shari.  Gorgeous clouds on the horizon as the weather changes.  Conversations with friends from coast to coast.

I spent some time journaling out on the patio this morning--wrapping my head around some differences of opinion between myself and some dear friends about our contrasting definitions of what it means to be passionate about God.  I came to peace once more with the knowledge that the Creator and I are on better terms than ever before in my life.  I released their opinions back to them while appreciating the spirit of their prayers for my personal spiritual revival.

One of the things I've had reaffirmed to me over the past 7 days...count 'em, 7...I went into the hospital a six days and 11 hours ago...is that the path I've been traveling due to various crises (a friend wrongly convicted of a serious crime, various health issues with beloved parents and family members, the long overdue resolution of traumatic events that occured when I was very young), has been preparation of sorts for this latest challenge.

My relationship with God when I was young was full of fire and conviction, it is true.  But like the strength I displayed in my younger years, it was also brittle, rule-bound, and shallow rooted.

The relationship I treasure with our Creator now is one that has been tempered in the crucible of unfair and inexplicable losses; one that has been affirmed in the darkest, most surreal moments of real life; one that has been given to me so graciously and freely by a God who (as Todd said) loves me and wants me to be happy and yet, in the paradox that infuses the juxtaposition of human and divine, is also one that I've had to wrest from the ashes when it seemed like God doesn't really care at all.

I couldn't walk this path without my husband.  I couldn't face the climb without my family.  I wouldn't have the strength to contemplate tomorrow without my friends.  And without my creator, I'd have no reason to hope in either the journey or the outcome.

I am truly blessed to have all of these folks, from God to husband, from family who are friends to friends who are family, all of them on "team Laura."

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