Several weeks ago, I got a gift from Tammy Knorr (twin sister of my sister-in-law, Cindy Morefield).  She had emailed me ahead of time to warn me that something odd was coming in the mail for me.  She called it her "dire visualization."

This is a photo of me at today's chemo infusion, holding the visualization tool.  Basically, it's a knitted representation of a tumor.  Inside, small balls of yarn feel like cancer cells.  You can pull on protruding strings, which I do a little each infusion, and reduce the size of the cells.  There are also red "veins" on the outside of the tumor that you can pluck off (mimicking the work of one of my chemo drugs, Avastin, that prevents tumors from growing by denying them the ability to form new blood vessels).

The nurses loved it.  I love it.  I do my regular visualizations and then I remove parts of the knitted tumor.  The red string around my wrist came off today and represents the blood vessels that are coming away from the tumors in my body.

One of the nurses shared with me today that few people actually do visualizations.  I admit that it felt a little hokey to me at first, but I also had a very bottom line thought about making it part of my "living with cancer" aresenal: how can it possibly hurt?  It relaxes me, it forces me to attend and listen to my body, it incorporates a sense of hope and control that feeds my soul.

So thank you, Tammy, for the dire visualization.

Oh, and thank you Pat for the prayer quilt.  I told you I use it at each chemo!

I'd be interested in hearing your thoughts on visualization.

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